(More Excerpts)

Samadhi at First Sight

My parents lived in Weed, California, a small town located at the base of Mt. Shasta. Shasta was a place of spiritual pilgrimage for me; I had lived there in the seventies, and it was there the beginning of my inner searching took place.

The purity of the mountain environment was food for my soul and a retreat from the hustle and bustle of my city life in Marin County, in the San Francisco Bay Area. I hadn't been to Shasta in awhile; it was time for a visit.

After arriving at my parents' house, I was settling in when my mother knocked on my bedroom door. "I want you to meet someone who is doing a job for your father; come upstairs," she said. I went up to the kitchen, and at the table sat a man with reddish hair, with golden-blond highlights. He had those eyebrows that turn up on the ends, as if he'd just came out of a wind storm. My mother made a casual introduction, introducing him as Andreas; he spoke to me in English but with a German accent. I said hello, but at the time I was more interested in rummaging in my mother's kitchen cabinets; I was not paying much attention to what they were saying to each other. The next thing I knew, my Mother was informing me that Andreas had lived in India for five years-now she had my attention. Being the truth seeker I am, I wanted to hear what this man had to say and what had he gained by living in such a spiritual country. I walked over to the table and struck up a conversation.

What was said was not important, for only two paragraphs had been exchanged when I found myself spiritually being raised up into a state of Samadhi above the kitchen table. All words ceased between myself and the new stranger, and I felt my eyes roll back into my head. The two of us hovered above my family's scene in the kitchen, with no words, no thoughts, just saturated in the divine presence of each other. I could feel this man's presence penetrate my soul as burning fire. He was hot and inflamed with the Holy Spirit.

By this time, my father had entered the room, and both of my parents stood looking at us in our spiritual state and began to wonder what had happened. I realized my family was still present, so I came down, back into my body, and tried to shake the feeling off and act somewhat normal.
Who is this? was my first thought. My second thought was, I've meet powerful people before; so what? I went back to rummaging through the cupboards, trying to act casual about what had just taken place. But my body was on fire in his presence. I was caught off guard. It had been a long time since anyone had had such an effect on me, and it had never been quite like this in the first meeting. I tried to regain my composure. By this time my mother had stepped in, and began to tell Andreas about an event I was going to attend at a church in Mt. Shasta. She's ready to serve me to him on a silver platter, I thought. So, I said my good-byes and went back to my room.

It had been several years since I had interacted with anyone who had this degree of spiritual power. In fact, in my past I had been hurt by a couple of teachers who had reached a certain level of spiritual power, and I had made a decision not to "play" in the arena of spiritual teachers. This decision had had its effect on me in the past several years, and I was now pretty much on my own path, following my own inner prompting.

That evening I went over to Mt. Shasta, as planned, to a lecture-part of a series. When I entered the church, I saw Andreas sitting in one of the pews by himself. I was late-the lecture had started-so I slipped into the pew next to him. Andreas had his eyes closed, and I knew he was going into meditation. I closed my eyes and joined him. What took place in the next few moments was beyond anything I had ever experienced with another human being.
Immense spiritual power just poured down over the two little bodies sitting in the pew. The power was so great that I began to climb in consciousness with Andreas's soul.
Andreas took my hand into his, and that was when things really started to happen.

A spiritual fountain rose from the base of my spine and traveled upward with such a force and power that it shot out the top of my head like an explosion. It didn't stop there but kept rising like a fountain of light and spilling over and showering both of us, and it just kept on climbing to even higher levels of consciousness. This fountain of spiritual energy took me into a state of ecstasy and I began to become orgasmic with each new level I passed through. It then reached to what I have experienced before as the source of my being, the God Head-the Goddess Head. From this ultimate, the energy then showered over us like a waterfall of grace.

The power began to descend and it came down through our bodies and joined us together where we were holding hands. We both had gone so deeply inside this experience that we had lost track of what was going on in the program. Someone announced that a spiritual initiation was being offered; Andreas and I looked at each other and I said, "I think we already got ours." Andreas got up and walked out the door, and I was right behind him.

Once we were outside in the fresh air, I realized I was totally wobbly from the experience. My mind began to race, to try to grasp what had happened. "Who are you," I asked, "and what is your lineage?" I realized I needed to sit down; I wasn't stable on my feet. We walked over and sat under two incense cedar trees that were joined together at the base. The night was starry, the moon was full, and the power that had been switched on was not about to stop. I asked again, "What is your spiritual lineage?" Andreas replied in his German accent, "I am a bit of a stew." The words stopped there and I seemed to fall into a silence that no words or thoughts could erase. We looked into each other's eyes, and all that existed was the power of God between us, in us, and all around us. I turned around with my back to Andreas and closed my eyes, and I went deep inside myself.

He began to rub the tension from my shoulder blades that had developed from the intense downpour of energy. My body began to release from the touch of his fingers. But the release created space for even greater energy to pour in. He then worked on my head and the back of my skull. I started to see colored pyramid shapes rise up and out from the center of my brain into the air above my head. My breath became irregular; an even greater release was taking place in my body. I leaned back into Andreas's chest, and it was as though his whole body had become my throne, and I felt incredible power showering from above us. Then, in all its brilliance, I saw a crown being placed on the top of my head. I was literally sitting upon a throne and being crowned. I felt myself at the seat of the very center of Andreas's heart. I felt I had been enshrined in his heart by the intense love between us.

He had such power surging through him, his whole body stiffened like a male erection. My hands moved backwards and grabbed the top of his head, and the energy whipped through us like lightning bolts. I was in for a ride. I turned around and looked at him, my eyes closed, to feel the presence that was between us. All there was, was the silent void surging with power beyond this earth. Our meeting was like an atomic explosion of cosmic energy that I had only felt in my very most heightened states of consciousness, and never had another being catalyzed such a direct experience in me.

He looked at me and kissed my eyelids. Whoa, baby, I wasn't ready for this! I began to panic. What is happening with this man? I don't even know him! I wanted to run away, and that is what I did: I got up and said I had to go. Every part of my body was in shock. Andreas said, "Can I call you?" I replied, "I don't know what happened, but I do know that everything in my life is going to be different after this night." I got into my car and slowly drove off. And, even in my driving I had to be careful-I was totally altered and never the same again.

When I returned to my parents' home, I could barely speak, and I sure wasn't about to share what had happened-I didn't even understand it myself; it had taken me outside and beyond the scope of my inner experiences.

I went downstairs to shower; maybe by washing it off, I could find ground, I thought. My father, being very intuitive, came downstairs to ask if I was all right. "Yes," I called out from the bathroom, even though everything in my being was in shock. Then, as a "security blanket," I decided to sleep upstairs in my childhood bed. I crawled into my bed hoping I might sleep. But that was not about to happen.

The experience I'd had started happening again. My inner being, from my lower chakras at the base of my spine up to the crown of my head, was lit up like a Christmas tree. It was like the lights at drag races that light up from the bottom and one by one turn on until a whole column of lights is turned on to start the race. I felt like my soul had just been plugged into a light socket and electricity was running through me. At the same time I could feel the presence of Andreas inside of me. I had total telepathic communication with him. I kept saying, "Let's just chalk this up as one of those guru experiences.

I tossed and turned, and didn't sleep at all, and the next morning I found it impossible to eat.

The inner fire that was ignited, the Kundalini, was activated in my body like it had never been before. That morning I was calmer but did not fully realize what was happening to me. To help put things in perspective, I went to visit a girlfriend in the area. She had a sound studio and dance area in her home, and when a couple of other women arrived also, we began to dance and do "toning" together. Toning is making sounds that come from deep inside, and letting out whatever sound comes. This was the scene: four women dancing around wildly and making incredible music together. I always have loved to dance and have used dance to express my inner nature, but it seemed that over the past years I had lost this part of myself. Because of a heavy work schedule and responsibility, this part of myself had not had expression for a long time. It was refreshing to be moving again, and after the evening before, I had a lot to release and express.

At first I was interacting with the other women, but then something happened: The Kundalini was activated to such a degree that it controlled my body and I had to just let this cosmic force have its way with me. The moment became ecstatic; then the power was surging through me at such a level that all I could do was lie down and let the energy "do me," and in allowing that, I became orgasmic. I felt Andreas inside of me, and I knew that this energy was connected to him and to what had been stimulated the night before. The power surged through different areas of my body, releasing in orgasm. The power would move to between my legs and I would climax. It would move to my heart and I would climax again. It would shoot out from the top of my head like fireworks. I was out of control, but I was loving every minute of it.

This state continued for a few hours until finally I had composure enough to drive home. When I got to my parents' house, I found out that Andreas had been there bearing gifts, and had just left. My mother handed me flowers and said, smiling, "You made quite an impression on this man." I thought to myself, "Is that an understatement!" I went to call Andreas to thank him for the flowers, but when I got on the phone, all my composure went right out the window. I heard his voice and I could barely respond to his conversation; I became like a young girl, embarrassed and tongue-tied. We decided to meet before I left to go back to Marin County; I would meet him the next day at his home.

The next morning, I found his apartment and nervously knocked on the door. Andreas answered the door, and this time we both were ready to talk. Andreas began the conversation by talking of his reflections on the past few days' events. "The natural synchronicity of our meeting, if it has any meaning, should be sought out on the level of our spiritual work," he explained. He continued, "The resulting chemistry would create such beauty and radiance as it would be hard to pray into existence by only one person."
I still didn't know what to think. I had not digested what had taken place inside of me. All that I was sure of was that it was the strongest connection I had ever had with another human soul, and I was affected.

Being this close together felt like two powerful magnets that couldn't be pulled apart, but outwardly, physically, we were still quite reserved. Just a glance across the room from Andreas, though, would put me into an orgasmic state. We sat cross-legged in front of each other and melted into each other 's presence. He placed his middle finger on my third eye and moved it quickly in a stimulating motion. I went through the roof! It was as if my third eye had became my clitoris. Andreas's stimulating of my third eye brought me to such a state of cosmic orgasm, I surrendered completely to his presence. Now, mind you, he had not kissed me, our clothes were fully on, and I had not yet even fully embraced him in a juicy hug. But I was off and flying from the mere touch of his finger on my forehead.

Well, I then learned from Andreas that he had had much spiritual training in India (Duh-I guess so). He surely wasn't like any of the other men I knew. He had spent much of the past twenty-five years meditating and practicing various yogic techniques. Many of the techniques were designed to merge one with the Buddha Presence-as far as I was concerned, he was flowering! He went on to explain what he felt had happened to us. "Prior to the point of meeting, both of us as individuals had reached our own degree of experience of what God Presence is. When we met, we triggered each other's God Presence into activation and thus the God Silence, or God's energy, descended in the most powerful way. We reinforced each other's God Experience, which became one God Experience exploding through two forms. A great degree of spiritual compatibility constituted the foundation whereupon this was possible."
Wow, I thought, this guy is deep. All I had been doing the past few days was roll around in bliss.

We sat together in each other's silence, and his body began to stiffen. I was bathing in the bliss of being in his presence when he gently put his head down and touched the crown of his head to my heart-center. The fireworks were shooting off; it felt as though he had sexually climaxed from the top of his head into my heart. If this was the Second Coming, I sure was glad I was there!

Then, we stood up and, casually, he showed me his apartment. He took me into his meditation room/bedroom. The room contained an altar and over it hung a huge picture of just the eyes of a beautiful, golden Buddha. I glanced at his bed, which looked luxurious, dressed in a soft, silky cover of cream and maroon. I was impressed, but I felt that, for now, it was a dangerous place for me to be with him. I wasn't quite ready to make that big, physical leap, even though every fiber of my being had already felt it. It was in wisdom to take things slowly.

It was time for me to leave. I needed to digest this experience, and five hours of driving down Interstate-5 was a good way to mull things over. Before I left, Andreas said, "I can't tell you what to do. You will need to see for yourself." I got in my car and drove away.

I wasn't even twenty miles down the road when I felt his presence burst in the center of my heart; in the very core of my being I found him. It was as if a sun had risen inside of myself, and that sun was Andreas's spirit. He had entered my heart in such a way that it was hard for me to differentiate between where God ended and Andreas began-it all felt like one being. This was the first time that I had experienced the Beloved within myself and outside myself simultaneously, with no separation. I must say that it was confusing, for in my previous experiences, outside myself was a lover, and inside myself was God and, more often than not, the actions of my lover on the outside compelled me to move inside, because of my suffering and disillusionment.
Now, for the first time, I was experiencing something totally different, and it took months for me to accept this new experience fully without being filled with the fear that I would get hurt. My past needed to die; everything that had gotten me to this point of God Experience was no longer valid-not in this new paradigm.

I drove down the road on automatic pilot, with Andreas's spirit inside my heart. I saw my whole life changing before my very eyes, and I knew that we had much to share and that this feeling and experience was not going to go away. He had entered through the inner-temple door of my heart. It was from the inside out that I felt him and knew him like I had never known anyone before. I knew that he knew me, also. There was no need to convince him of who I was-he already had experienced me on levels that others had never flown to. He knew me better in two days than did others who had lived with me for years. I felt comforted, naked, and seen, all in the same moment.

When I arrived home, I went to the phone, called Andreas, and asked, "Are you my beloved?" "I love thee," were the words that I heard from the other end of the line. "You are my beloved in the most spiritual sense," he continued. He then went on to explain to me his experience after I had driven off. He said, "While it was perfectly clear to me from the very first moments that my life's flow was to merge with that of yours, the 'how' was not necessarily revealed immediately. However, when you left for the Bay Area several days after the first initial event of our meeting, my entire system went into shock. The recognition that our life was to be together went into full force."

Experiences in the next few weeks proved to me that this was not an everyday type of love affair. I could feel Andreas's presence with me during much of each day; this would manifest in the most peculiar ways. I would be driving to work in traffic when the spirit of Andreas would burst forth in my heart and I would have to find a place to pull over to have a heart orgasm. It was impossible to drive and to go through these experiences, too. So, I would be sitting there on the side of the road, with this massive amount of energy going through my entire body and peaking out and spilling over into ecstasy in my heart. My world and his had completely merged and, even though he lived three hundred miles away, there was no stopping the feeling and the power that we felt for each other. It was love, it was God, it was silence and, more than all the above, it was orgasmic.

The Kundalini in my system put me out of control. There were times when I was home alone that I would be rolling around on the floor, taken over by this power that pulsated through my spine. It burst forth in different centers of my body. It released energy in my system that had been penned up for years. It was as though lightning bolts were exploding in my genitals, in my heart, or in my third eye, and all taking place as I rolled around on the floor. I surrendered myself completely to the experience.

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